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Sniff Petrol on the Scene...

1. The XE’s ‘Ingenium’ engine range gets its name from combining the word ‘ingenious’ with the word ‘perineum’.

2. The XE’s rear suspension is referred to as ‘integral link’ because it is of a unique design for exceptional lateral and longitudinal stiffness and also because it connects to the internet.

3. Uniquely in its class, the XE is made almost entirely from aluminium except for the windows which are made from glass for what Jaguar calls ‘safety reasons’.

4. As befits a car developed in Britain, the XE’s unique All Surface Progress Control features several settings including ‘winter’, ‘eco’, ‘drizzle’, ‘breezy’, and ‘ooh, doesn’t it feel autumnal today, eh?’

5. The XE will offer a smartphone app which allows owners to find their car’s location, turn on its heating system and find other single XEs in their area looking for a good time.

6. Forthcoming models include the sporty XE-R, the open topped XE-O, the four wheel drive XE-X and a model that combines all these features, the XE-ROX which promises class leading paper jams in drawer 3.

7. The XE will offer a number of optional interior themes including ‘sports’, ‘luxury’, ‘The American Civil War’, ‘argument in a restaurant’, ‘goose incident aftermath’ and ‘The complete works of MC Hammer’.

8. Multiple features about the Jaguar XE are a good way for a car website to boost its daily visitor numbers.
 

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Point 6 is what I can't wait see come to life!

6. Forthcoming models include the sporty XE-R, the open topped XE-O, the four wheel drive XE-X and a model that combines all these features, the XE-ROX which promises class leading paper jams in drawer
 

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Point 6 is what I can't wait see come to life!

6. Forthcoming models include the sporty XE-R, the open topped XE-O, the four wheel drive XE-X and a model that combines all these features, the XE-ROX which promises class leading paper jams in drawer
Are you taking the piss or did you miss the XEROX joke ;)

 

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These are cute. I like number 5.

5. The XE will offer a smartphone app which allows owners to find their car’s location, turn on its heating system and find other single XEs in their area looking for a good time.
But, is there an app?
 
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