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My New Baby.....

3996 Views 15 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  langdonuin77
Or as Gollum would describe it “My Prescious” :)


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Some serious Dos and DON’Ts, for the American Driving experience:

DO, practice how to use the steering wheel paddles masterfully. The XE is a magnet for SUVs and customized Pick-up trucks who think they can roll across the nose of smaller cars--- they will see your XE and decide it is an easy car to threaten. You will need to peel away from them quickly, to protect your nose from damage, and leave the truck drivers with their mouths open.

DON’T, use your XE as your getaway car for armed robbery or street crimes, in European cities. YES, even if the police are driving BMWs, your XE’s deft wheel response will enable you to negotiate traffic at much higher speeds than a BMW,… but you will be forcing the BMW to accidentally crash into someone as it tries to pull off the same swerves that you can easily achieve.

DO, say thank you, if any moderate-income pedestrian compliments your car as he or she passes by. It’s good luck.

DON’T, get into any accidents with your vehicle and expect Police to write up a fair accident report-----the police will take one look at your XE, and report that the driver of THIS vehicle was the apparent cause of the accident. It won’t matter what the truth may be.

DO, charge any woman younger than 60, who want to take selfies of themselves with their labradoodle beside the rear leaper nameplate of your XE. I recommend a going rate of 1.75 (GPS, since this is an English car), but you can decide how much to charge based on how big her, um… how big her poodle is.

DON’T, let any women older than 60 drive anywhere near your XE, or she will scuff the paint with her car. Cost for repairing the paint on two or more aluminum XE panels: $3000.00

DON’T, park your car outside if you have roaming housecats in your neighborhood. Red-breasted robins love the power-dome slope of the XE’s hood, to crack snail shells on… and stupid cats love to sit up on your XE hoping to catch a robin who is too blind to see this retarded housecat squatting on your car. Housecat sits for one hour, leaves a scent that other housecats follow, and before you know it, you have four housecats and 132 scratches sitting on the clearcoat.

DON’T, park your car near pubs, bars or country-music road houses. The XE is a magnet for drunks coming out of the bars looking for a place to do…DOO. Some drivers have photographed their XEs with fecal fun all over them.

…All of the above are true incidents with various XEs, since Spring 2017.:(
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